you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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