If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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