is your mom at the bar?
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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