Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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