True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
