4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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