I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
