Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
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