so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
