He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
