Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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