I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Plan B is the new Plan A
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I could fuck to npr.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
