someone threw a dead crab at me
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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