i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
