I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You made out with two different species that night
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
