ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
you never un-have a 4some
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
