Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
