So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Randomize
