Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
why is half of my head shaved?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
