You just made me feel so damn special
I wish I could teleport
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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