I'm jealous of your bromance
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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