Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
