What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
