I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
