im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
