He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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