I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
