Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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