Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
