Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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