TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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