dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
