Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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