I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I want to be your penis for a week.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
