just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
