Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
