i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Randomize
