nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I think I sprained my soul last night
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
