Rock
Scissors
Fuck
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Everclear isn't food dammit
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
