i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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