Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
