Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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