that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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