would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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