Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i dont even know how to be here
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
