just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
