White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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