we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
