he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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