No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Randomize
