I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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