you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
