Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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