I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
