3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
